BIO MOD AUDITIONS

[Darkiez =D]

REQUIREMENTS:

- You have been on OLM for at least 1 week.
- You have read the rules and completely understand them.
- You have 1 approved character.
- You are dedicated to OLM.
- You have critiqued bios before.

JOBS:

- When a new bio comes around, please offer constructive criticism in the following areas...

• Grammar, spelling, capitalization, punctuation, etc.
  
• Making personalities dynamic, realistic, unique, and, if very unusual, explained in the history.
  
• Making cats genetically possible (not about "oh, a purebred black cat and a purebred white cat could only produce a hybrid white cat" or whatever, i mean "oh, cats can't be pink with green spots and they can't have red eyes"). Please ask for an un-Photoshopped picture instead of just saying, "IMPAWZIBLE D<". To prove you read this, enclose your form in two blockquotes.
  
• Non-realistic warrior names, or degrading kittypet names. NRW Name Examples: Anything having to do with humans -- dragons, griffins, swords, daggers, etc.; a direct stating of the cat's personality -- kind, brave, nasty, shy, etc.; any name containing "moon" or "star" as a prefix (suffixes are OK, but "star" must be a leader); and any name using "shadow", "wind", "river", or "thunder" as a prefix.
  
• OLM's history compared to the character's history. Refer to the Clan Information thread, as well as the high position bios.
  
• The bans list.
  
• Unsupported opinions.
  
• Rank/group you need permission for.
  
• Rank that makes sense with age.
  
• Stereotypes.

- If you're not sure about whether something's wrong or not, don't say it's wrong. Just leave it for me.
- Do not accept bios, only decline them (using this image). PM me when you are done critiquing one.

APPLICATION:

NAME , Your internet alias/display name.
CHARACTERS , List your approved characters.
JOIN DATE , When did you join? Format it MM/DD/YY.
SHORT ESSAY , Answer the prompt below this form in 1-3 paragraphs.
BIO RESPONSE , Critique the bio below this form, keeping in mind your jobs listed above.
OTHER , Anything else you want to say?

-- SHORT ESSAY PROMPT;

What type of Bio Mod are you? Are you more of a genetics geek, a spelling/grammar Nazi, someone who is picky about realistic but interesting characters, a very strict Warrior namer...what do you often point out and what do you often forget to? Also -- please briefly describe your experience as a Bio Mod.

*/ bio ! [yes, i made this myself =DDD isn't it the best thing since sliced bread?]

name... Moonlight

gender... She-cat

age... 16 moons

group... ThunderClan

rank... Senior Warrior

reference... A beautiful silver she-cat with piercing violet eyes.

appearance... Moondsong is a very prety she-cat, she hasa beautiful elt the color of stars and like sliver gold, only much beasuitifuler. Perfect in appearance in every way, Moonlight, the pride and joy of ThunderClan in looks but nor anything else, sits proud on a hill, thoughtfully grooming herself, wanting tomorrow to come; that is what Moonlight is lke, or they say she should be, Shes got purple eyes thats eem to bore into you, they are very piercing but srangely pretty too, just like her, MoonLight is reknowned throughout the forst for hier beautifulness, if you ask any cat. even a rouge "whose the beautifulest warrior in the forest", theyll' say it was moonlight.

personality... Moonlight maky be beautiful and from ThunderClan which makes you think she us nice and perfect but she is not, she is actuaolly intetesting, Shes pure evil and will stop at nothing to get whgat she wants, if you dare cross her path she will KILL YOU INSTANTLY! MUHAHA but if your nice to her--she'll be nice 2 u back but not if you cross her path or make her angry because she lashes out easily, she loves kits but is not very nice to anyone else, not even her leader smokeStar; who she hATES with a passhion.

history... Her mother was unknown, Moonlighr;slt's father was KILed at an early age by her, when she was a KIT!!!!11 but then pheonixwing's Ghost came and haunted her down, scared her for life, then she rebelled and killed his ghost, never been done before! So Flamesar revwarded here with a trophy say "MOONLIGHT GRATEST WARRIOR OF THUNDERCLAN',, and Tomkit and Bravewing both grew up to be grate warriors, unlike rouges. So Tomclaw one day was killed by her because she was BOOOARRRD, spo then Vraveheart fell to her Mighty claws, which she weiled against all evildoers and boredom set in then she killd. She was given an apprentice at 12 moons, named Hollypaw, who died cause of HE. she killed her in cold blood because she hated her gus, too stupid to becom a grate tc WArrior like here sumdayT. he new lraerdr Smokestar appointed her deputy NOw she is Leader of ThunderClan@ Mugaha XDXDXD

acquaintances... Mother unknown, dead
Father she killed, named Pheonixwing
brothers are Tomclaw and Braveheart, both dead by her
Hollypaw, killed, two dumb to learned yto be a good Thunderclan warrioe

notes... One day she Will be MOonsdtar, she is moonKkit once; and Moonpaw; she might be a queuen someday

[hazel :D]

NAME , Hazel
CHARACTERS , Normal: Mountainfrost, Lionstar, Heart, Smoke. NPCs: Dovestar, Vineleaf, Reedblaze.
JOIN DATE , 02/17/09
SHORT ESSAY , I care a lot about names, and always try to have a reason for the prefix and suffix. I'm really picky about that, and also about spelling, grammar and capitalization. (I don't really what you mean by grammar Nazi, unless you mean someone who kills and tortures millions of people because they have bad grammar. Yeah, I don't do that.) I'm not very picky about personalities -- I know that the characters need flaws, but some people (in real life) just seem like they don't have many flaws, so I don't really care too much about that, but I'd definitely try to pay more attention to that if I'm accepted as a bio mod. Also, I'm not that used to looking for bio powerplays. I'm used to people just stating that their cat is pretty or scary or whatever, but now that I understand your way of looking at that, I'm watching out for it. ...And my experience? I've been bio mods on many sites (4, I think), so I have experience going through bios and checking them.
BIO RESPONSE ,

I stole your style, Darkie. Is that okay?

OVERALL:
You have a bunch of spelling, capitalization and grammar mistakes in there. Just read over it to find those, and make sure to use spell check (a bio writer's best friend xD).

NAME ISSUES:
All the names in here just don't fit with the way the Warrior cats are named. Take Moonlight: __light is fine, but cats can't name their kits Moon__. The moon is sacred to them, as is the sun and stars and dreams and stuff. You'd never find a Warrior cat who named her kits Dreamkit and Sunkit and Starkit. Tomclaw doesn't work because of the prefix. Tom__ is just named after his gender. Brave__ is named after his personality. Phoenix__ doesn't work because cats don't know what Phoenixes are.
When you're naming your cats, think of what the mother would know when she's naming her kits. If one of her kits is brown, she might name is Brownkit or Barkkit or Dustkit. If her kit is white, it could be Cloudkit or Whitekit or Palekit.

RANK ISSUES:
There are two problems with Moonlight being a senior warrior. First: she's only 16 moons old. She'd have just become a warrior -- there's no chance she could be a senior warrior that young. Remember to take the cat's age into consideration when you're deciding her rank. Second: look at the bio form. See where it says "Senior Warrior [np]"? The [np] stands for Need Permission. So Moonlight needs to be a warrior first, then she can become a senior warrior.

APPEARANCE ISSUES:
You never really tell us what Moonlight looks like. All we know is that she has purple eyes and fur the color of stars(and that doesn't make much sense). What color fur does she have? How long is it? Is she tall or short or average? Does she have any scars? Any deformities?
Also, don't say things like "she's pretty" and "piercing eyes." In bios, Darkiez considers something a powerplay when you say it, not explain it. Like, instead of saying she's pretty, tell us why she's pretty.

color of stars and like sliver gold -- say a color, don't just compare her fur to stars. white? gray? ginger? what color is she?
sits proud on a hill, thoughtfully grooming herself, wanting tomorrow to come -- what does this have to do with her appearance?
MoonLight is reknowned throughout the forst for hier beautifulness -- powerplay. you can't decide who everyone thinks the most beautiful cat in the forest is.

PERSONALITY ISSUES:
beautiful and from ThunderClan which makes you think she us nice and perfect -- just because she's pretty and a ThunderClanner doesn't mean that people think she's awesome.
she will KILL YOU INSTANTLY! -- not necessarily; it depends on the strength of the other cat.
she loves kits but is not very nice to anyone else -- first you say she's evil. Then you say she can be nice sometimes. Then you say she loves kits. Decide what she is! Is she nice to friends but mean to strangers? Is she grumpy and has a short temper?
her leader smokeStar -- the leader of ThunderClan (at least for now) is Finchstar.

HISTORY ISSUES:
Her mother was unknown -- she has to know who her mother is, unless she was abandoned somewhere. And her father must know who he mated with...
Moonlighr;slt's father was KILed at an early age by her, when she was a KIT!!!!11 -- this is impossible. A kit can't kill a full-grown warrior.
pheonixwing's Ghost came and haunted her down -- impossible again. Try to be as realistic as possible -- no ghosts, no cats with wings, no hot pink fur.
Flamesar revwarded here with a trophy -- the cats don't have trophies. Also, the leader is Finchstar. ^^
Tomkit and Bravewing both grew up to be grate warriors -- who are they? Her brothers? Talk about her siblings in the beginning.
unlike rouges -- rogues can be great fighters, too. Also: rouge = red; rogue = a non-Clan cat.
Tomclaw one day was killed by her because she was BOOOARRRD -- there are several things wrong with that: first, Tomclaw is her brother. Second, he's in her Clan. Third, you don't just kill other cats 'cause you're bored. If you're going to attack your brother/Clanmate, you need to have a really, really, really good reason for it.
she weiled against all evildoers and boredom set in then she killd -- same as above. You don't kill because you're bored.
She was given an apprentice at 12 moons -- at 12 moons, Moonlight would have just become an apprentice herself. She needs to have been a warrior for a few moons before she gets her own apprentice.
she killed her in cold blood because she hated her gus -- why did Moonlight hate Hollypaw so much? Give a reason when Moonlight kills someone! No random killings!
too stupid to becom a grate tc WArrior -- if Hollypaw was too stupid, her apprentice ceremony would have been delayed or she would spend a ton of time as an apprentice.
he new lraerdr Smokestar appointed her deputy NOw she is Leader of ThunderClan@ -- Finchstar, not Smokestar. And in the rank section, you say she's a warrior. Also, you need to audition if you want her to be leader or deputy.
Mugaha XDXDXD -- too colloquial.

ACQUAINTANCES ISSUES:
Correct these after you've corrected the rest of the bio -- none of these would be correct if you made all the changes I suggested.

NOTES ISSUES:
One day she Will be MOonsdtar, she is moonKkit once; and Moonpaw; she might be a queuen someday -- all of that is pretty unnecessary; you can just take it out.

OTHER , I know I said I probably wouldn't try out, but hey.

[Darkiez =D]

I don't really what you mean by grammar Nazi, unless you mean someone who kills and tortures millions of people because they have bad grammar. Yeah, I don't do that.

lulz no. i picked it up from some site i was on. it means you're picky about grammar.

looks good! ^^ you now shall have a fanciful custom title.

a few notes --

"sun" is acceptable, since cats don't hold the sun in high regard. stuff like moon, star, dream, etc. isn't, but sun is. ^^

bio powerplays: you don't have to be very picky about 'em, don't worry. ^^ just if they're all like, "OMG SHE'S BEAUTIFUL! I DON'T KNOW WHY, SHE JUST IS!" ...or whatever.

BIO MODS:
-Hazel
-Open
-Open

[hazel :D]

OH YAY.

"sun" is acceptable, since cats don't hold the sun in high regard. stuff like moon, star, dream, etc. isn't, but sun is. ^^

Eek sorry.

bio powerplays: you don't have to be very picky about 'em, don't worry. ^^ just if they're all like, "OMG SHE'S BEAUTIFUL! I DON'T KNOW WHY, SHE JUST IS!" ...or whatever.

Okay. :D